I’m writing this while sitting on the floor of our empty, as-yet unsold house. Doug has gone to work his last day as an employee of the United States Government. Neither he nor I can believe he really is retiring. For me, this journey into a new life began three years ago when I retired from teaching the first time – before going back to teach one class for two more years. For Doug, it is just the beginning. He is excited, but a little anxious, I think, not knowing what it will be like. I am anxious for him, because I believe it is much easier for women to retire than it is for men. After all, a woman’s primary job has always been her home and family, and that does not change. A woman’s identity has more to do with being a wife, a mother, a daughter, and so on, while a man’s identity is often tied to his work. For me, there is still plenty to do each day, just cleaning house, preparing meals, doing the shopping, and looking after my parents. I am not sure how Doug will fill his days.
Even I struggled some with retirement the first time I did it. I felt a little useless and unproductive, even though I stayed quite busy. It was hard not having money of my own. There was some guilt from not feeling like a contributing member of society. On the other hand, I loved the freedom of making my own schedule. I loved having time to do the things I really wanted to do, and I loved staying at home. There is nothing like waking up on a cold winter morning when it’s raining outside and knowing you can just roll over and go back to sleep.
I wonder if Doug will feel these things as well. I do know he can relax and do nothing far easier than I can! (Guilt does not seem to bother him.) But I also know that you can only do so much relaxing before boredom sets in and your brain begins to atrophy. I guess my fear is that he will become even more addicted to TV and computer games than he already is, to the neglect of far more important things.
Doug’s fear is that I will continue to spend money the same way I have while he’s been working. At least we have been talking to each other about our concerns, and they are legitimate concerns. I do need to spend less. He also needs to find productive ways to spend his time. I plan to encourage his interest in wood carving, and there are still many things to do around the house. We haven’t finished painting. He wants to put up a storm door in the kitchen, and tear the shower out of the half-bath to make space for a broom closet. I also want him to put a new floor in our bathroom. All that should keep him busy for quite a while!
In all probability, he will find another job, at least part-time. He wants to take a month off before seriously looking, and I sure don’t blame him for that. We also are seriously considering a Caribbean cruise in January to celebrate his retirement and our 35th wedding anniversary, which is December 21. So we do have plans. I think people really have trouble with retirement when they don’t think ahead and plan what they will do.
As for me, my doubts about retiring that first time are completely gone. I taught for 23 years. In some small way, I contributed to the lives of hundreds of kids during that time. I can still do so through volunteering. Now my parents need me, and we are all fortunate that I can be there for them. I’m getting used to not having money of my own, since I really have all I need anyway. People ask me all the time if I miss teaching. The honest answer is “No.” Teaching was a great career for me, but I had my fill of it. I was getting to old to deal with teenagers every day anyway. I do believe that it is important in life to know when it is time to move on. For me that time is now.
For Doug, retirement came sooner than he ever thought it would. He had planned to work at least five more years, and maybe even ten. He is adjusting to the needs of my family, and I hope he will not regret doing so. One good sign is that he truly loves living in the mountains. We used to talk wistfully about one day retiring to the mountains, but we never really thought it would happen! A few weeks ago, we were at a meeting at Amicolola Falls, and we found some tee-shirts in a gift shop there. The front of the shirt had a picture of mountain peaks and the words, “The mountains are calling, and I must go.” We bought one for each of us and planned to wear them under our regular shirts to Doug’s retirement luncheon. The idea was that we would unbutton our shirts to reveal the tee-shirts at the end when Doug made his little speech. Unfortunately, we both forgot about it until right after everyone got up to leave. Then I remembered, so at least some people saw them and got a kick out of it, and Misty got a good picture.
Doug’s retirement luncheon was a huge success. He was so pleased that his first supervisor, the one who trained him, came to speak. Tony retired five years ago and lives in South Carolina. He is loving retirement. There were about 75 people at the luncheon. Doug’s parents, sister, brother-in-law, and of course, Sean and Misty were all there. The food was incredible. So many nice things were said about Doug, and some funny stories were told. Doug received a lovely plaque and a generous monetary gift. People really seemed to enjoy the whole event.
So now we face retirement together. I’ve heard all the stories about how a husband around the house all the time can really get on your nerves. At least we’ve got plenty of room to get away from each other if we need to! Actually, we are pretty good companions, so I don’t really expect that to be a problem. I’m looking forward to having time to travel some, and explore the area in which we live. I have a feeling we better do those things while we can, because it may not be much longer before we can’t leave Mama and Daddy alone.
As for the house, we are really in a quandary about what to do. Our contract with the realtor runs out this week. I don’t think we will extend it, since it hasn’t done us any good so far. We are trying to decide whether to rent it or not. We might get someone to tear out all the old wallpaper and paint it throughout and then try to sell it ourselves again. Our neighbor has said he would be glad to show it for us. We would definitely prefer to sell it rather than rent, because we have heard too many horror stories about renters. One thing for sure, if we do go on a cruise, it will be an inexpensive one! (Relatively speaking.) Then we will have to tighten our belts a little until something happens with this house. As for right now, I need to quit writing and go outside to cut down all the plants that were killed back by the frost. The work never ends.
No comments:
Post a Comment