Memorial Day is all about remembering America's wars, and this year we are very consious of our current conflict in Iraq. Today's headline tells the story - "Relentless violence in Iraq leads to the weekend deaths of 54." That included an American soldier and two American journalists. The key word in that headline is "relentless." There just does not appear to be any end in sight.
I voted for Bush twice and think he is a good man, but I am beginning to question the wisdom of getting us involved in this war. Actually, I had a lot of misgivings about it before it ever started. Being a history teacher, I think I HAVE learned the lessons of history, and I could easily see this becoming another Vietnam, and now it appears those fears were well-founded. The men and boys in my school were all for the war, but I thought they sounded like they were getting ready for a Friday night football game. They were excited and ready to kick-butt. That's the funny thing about war - it IS exciting. Yet war means death is about to occur on a large scale. A lot of sons, brothers, husbands and sweethearts are going to go over there and never come back. In light of that fact, you would think we'd go to war with an overwhelming sense of dread. Historically, that has not been the case. Southern boys rode off with wild cheers of excitement at the start of the Civil War, and young men eagerly lined up to volunteer after the Japanese attacked Pearl Harbor. I can still remember the excitement we all felt when news came to us at church one Wednesday night that the U.S. was at war. That was the FIRST Gulf war.
People seem to forget that the novelty of war quickly wears off, and is followed by months and often years of daily casualty counts. The American public gets tired of the bad news and the drain on the economy. Soon they want out, but getting out is not nearly as easy as getting in, and is not always advisable.
There are two big questions concerning this war. The first is whether or not we ever should have become involved in the first place. The other is, what should we do now that we are heavily invested in this war? The answer to the first question does not necessarily lead to the answer to the second.
So, we went to war because of the belief that Sadaam Hussein had weapons of mass destruction. Having such weapons in the hands of a mad dictator is a scarey propostion, especially when that dictator makes no secret of his hatred for America. Besides that, this was a Muslim country within firing range of Israel. Of course, any overt use of such weapons on the part of Sadaam would have been suicidal since we could have easily turned all that sand into glass, but we live in the age of terroism. Countries no longer have to act overtly; they can fight their wars incognito. If, in fact, Sadaam had had weapons of mass destruction, the war might have been necessary. Of course, no weapons were ever found. That does not prove he never had them. He certainly had plenty of warning and plenty of time to destroy them, hide them in the sands of the dessert, or ship them off to Syria. But the fact remains, we found no weapons. I was afraid that would happen, and Bush would end up looking like a fool. Everyone believed the weapons were there, but all the responsibility has fallen on Bush.
I still don't know about the wisdom of a premptive strike without solid proof of those weapons. I only got on board after hearing Colin Powell's presentation to the UN. He was very convincing. Now, of course, he is gone. There is speculation that he felt he had been duped by the CIA and used by the President.
When no weapons were found, I comforted myself with the idea that we had removed an evil dictator who terrorized his own people. Now those same people are terrorized by daily car bombs going off in the streets of their cities. Civil War could break out at any time if it hasn't already done so. Are they really better off? I don't know. Even the Iraqi people can't agree on that.
Did we act correctly by going to war? Santayana said that those who do not learn the lessons of history are doomed to repeat it. There is truth in that statement, but it's not that simple. For one thing, how do we know which lessons of history apply to the current situation? Concerning Iraq, should we have applied the lessons learned from WWII or those learned from Vietnam? In hindsight, we now know that the world stood by far too long while Nazi Germany carried out acts of atrocity against the Jews and others within her borders. Removing Hitler was the only moral thing to do. We also learned that evil and madness cannot be appeased. Such lessons would lead one to conclude that removing Sadaam was also right. Removing a dictator that delighted in feeding his enemies to a meat grinding machine does seem like the moral thing to do.
But then we have to ask if we really want to be the world's policeman. After all, there are other evil dictators and there is great cruelty taking place all over the world. Are we morally obligated to intervene in all these situations? Would that even be possible? Even the resources of the United States are limited. What would God have us do?
Considering how dangerous the world is today, the case could be made that we SHOULD become the world's policeman. We are the only country rich and powerful enough to do it - maybe an American Empire isn't such a bad idea. But we could only do it through overwhelming force, and we would have to run these wayward countries our way, which means we would be in charge. In other words, bring back the Age of Imperialism. Perhaps we, and the unstable nations we would take over would be better off. However, such an undertaking would be extremely costly, so we would need to benefit economically from these countries much as the British once benefitted from her colonies. The occupied nation would enjoy an improved standard of living. It wouldn't be long, however, before there would be cries of exploitation. Then of course, it would be necessary to put down rebellions ever so often, since nations don't really appreciate being run by other nations even if they can't do it themselves. Now that I think about it, the British no longer have their colonies - guess that didn't work out so well. That lesson from history tends to favor minding our own business.
Now let's move on to the lessons learned from Vietnam. I lived during this conflict, and here is what I learned from it. 1. Don't go to war to save a country where half the people don't want to be saved. You won't know who your enemies are. 2. Don't go to war unless you are going to fight to win. Use overwhelming force and get 'er done. 3. A democratic society cannot win a war that the people do not support. 4. Americans do not have the staying power for long, drawn-out conflicts. 5. If you don't win, things will end up worse than they were before you started.
I don't even need to point out the relevance of these lessons to our current conflict. So, knowing what I know now, I lean towards thinking we should not have become involved in the first place. I may even go out and buy the Dixie Chick's latest album.
But we are involved, and the second question is, what should we do now? Colin Powell warned that "if we broke it, we would own it," and that pretty much sums up our current position. If we pull out now, the country will almost certainly devolve into civil war. That could destablize the entire Middle East, the source of much of the world's and our oil supply - not a pretty picture. Entering into the equation is the belief that now Iran, Iraq's neighbor and longtime enemy, is working on their own nuclear program. Things could really get ugly. Besides, if America bails out now, we will lose whatever credibility we have left in the world, and over two thousand soldiers will have died in vain.
But here's the sad reality. Sooner or later, we probably will pull out. The whole democracy thing will come into play. Bush's popularity ratings are steadily declining and antiwar sentiment is growing. Americans will vote for the Democrats who will bring the soldiers home. The question is, how many more thousands of soldiers will die before that happens?
We made a huge committment to the people of Iraq. If we don't honor it, no one should ever believe in us again. So what do we do? Here's an idea. Let the people of Iraq be the ones to release us from the committment. Have a nation-wide referendum on whether or not they want the Americans to stay or leave. (American soldiers would provide unprecedented security for the elections.) If they vote for us to stay, we are honor-bound to be there for however long it takes to bring stability to their government. If they vote for us to leave, we can do so in semi-good conscience, leaving them to their own devices and allowing them to live with the consequences, whatever they may be. Of course, if things get really out of hand and the stability of the region is threatened, we might have to come back, but hopefully we would do so with the support of the rest of the world. It's not a perfect solution, but we all know there is no perfect solution. This is a mess.
Since I have absolutely no say in what happens and little means of influencing what happens, this exercise is probably a waste of time, but it feels good to think it through on paper. Maybe I'll write my congressmen a letter.
Wednesday, May 31, 2006
Memorial Day
Memorial Day weekend has come and gone, and it was good. Saturday morning we had breakfast with the crew at IHOP. Afterwards, Doug and I went to the Arts Festival in Watkinsville, and I bought a present for Vivian's birthday. Then we went out to Sean's house to pick up our "grandkitty" that we kept for the weekend while they went up to Mama and Daddy's to go trout fishing. The kitten, Jessie, is at the playful stage so I spent a lot of time this weekend playing with her, and I have the scratches and teeth marks to prove it! When she wasn't playing, she was on my lap sleeping. She really is adorable, though somewhat aggravating at times.
Saturday afternoon we met Don and Pris to go to the movies. The guys saw X-men while Pris and I watched Over the Hedge. Then we shopped at TJ Maxx and went to Jason's Deli for a salad.
The real Memorial Day celebration started Sunday morning at church. A lot of thought went into planning the special service. The lights were turned down low in the sanctuary. Instead of the usual band, one guy with a guitar sat on the stage and sang patriotic songs. A huge American flag hung downward to form the backdrop for the stage. In front of it stood flagpoles with the flags for all the different branches of the military. On the wall on both sides of the American flag, a video played showing scenes from all the many wars America has fought in. Along with those scenes, we heard the words of past presidents. Then a WWII vet got up to lead us in the Pledge of Allegiance. Another old vet read the words of the Gettysburg Address. A second video played with historic scenes and the words of the address interspersed throughout it. It was quite moving. We all sang America the Beautiful, My Country Tis of Thee, and God Bless America. I have to admit it; I'm a sucker for such sentimental displays of patriotism. They get me every time. The most moving part of the whole service was when anyone who wanted to could come up to the front and light a candle in honor of all those who have fought and died for our country. I was one of the first ones out of my seat.
That afternoon we went to see another movie! (We figured since we didn't go anywhere for the weekend, we'd have a vacation right here at home.) We saw the movie RV with Robin Williams. It was funny and decent and did a great job of portraying the right family values. I highly recommend it. After the movie we had a salad at Panera Bread and then went to Barnes and Noble for coffee. Sunday was a very relaxing day.
Monday was not. We got up and started our yard work. Doug cut grass and cleaned out gutters while I worked in the flower garden. Of course, being outside, we talked with the neighbors, and that led to an impromptu cookout at our house that evening. That meant cleaning house all day and going to the grocery store. Everyone brought food, however, so it really was easy on me. Jack and Jan came and brought their grown daughter Jill. Joanne and Ferris rolled Mrs. Harmon over in the wheelchair. The eight of us enjoyed our grilled hamburgers, several different salads, and watermelon. We sat around the table and just talked for a long time. I slept really good that night. Tonight is a different story. It's 4:00 am as I write this. Oh well, maybe I'm supposed to write.
Saturday afternoon we met Don and Pris to go to the movies. The guys saw X-men while Pris and I watched Over the Hedge. Then we shopped at TJ Maxx and went to Jason's Deli for a salad.
The real Memorial Day celebration started Sunday morning at church. A lot of thought went into planning the special service. The lights were turned down low in the sanctuary. Instead of the usual band, one guy with a guitar sat on the stage and sang patriotic songs. A huge American flag hung downward to form the backdrop for the stage. In front of it stood flagpoles with the flags for all the different branches of the military. On the wall on both sides of the American flag, a video played showing scenes from all the many wars America has fought in. Along with those scenes, we heard the words of past presidents. Then a WWII vet got up to lead us in the Pledge of Allegiance. Another old vet read the words of the Gettysburg Address. A second video played with historic scenes and the words of the address interspersed throughout it. It was quite moving. We all sang America the Beautiful, My Country Tis of Thee, and God Bless America. I have to admit it; I'm a sucker for such sentimental displays of patriotism. They get me every time. The most moving part of the whole service was when anyone who wanted to could come up to the front and light a candle in honor of all those who have fought and died for our country. I was one of the first ones out of my seat.
That afternoon we went to see another movie! (We figured since we didn't go anywhere for the weekend, we'd have a vacation right here at home.) We saw the movie RV with Robin Williams. It was funny and decent and did a great job of portraying the right family values. I highly recommend it. After the movie we had a salad at Panera Bread and then went to Barnes and Noble for coffee. Sunday was a very relaxing day.
Monday was not. We got up and started our yard work. Doug cut grass and cleaned out gutters while I worked in the flower garden. Of course, being outside, we talked with the neighbors, and that led to an impromptu cookout at our house that evening. That meant cleaning house all day and going to the grocery store. Everyone brought food, however, so it really was easy on me. Jack and Jan came and brought their grown daughter Jill. Joanne and Ferris rolled Mrs. Harmon over in the wheelchair. The eight of us enjoyed our grilled hamburgers, several different salads, and watermelon. We sat around the table and just talked for a long time. I slept really good that night. Tonight is a different story. It's 4:00 am as I write this. Oh well, maybe I'm supposed to write.
Friday, May 26, 2006
Feelings
Feelings are such fickle things. There are rare days when I just love my life. The world is a beautiful place in which to live, and I feel blessed beyond measure. I feel connected - connected to nature, to the people in my life, to God, and the universe as a whole. I feel ALIVE and I think I finally grasp what Jesus was talking about when He said He would give us abundant life. Unfortunately, that glorious feeling never lasts. Most days are just ho-hum, filled with routine maintenance. ( I read somewhere that life is 90% maintenance.)
Then there are the bad days. Those are the times when I feel disgusted with today's world and find no joy in living in it. I feel contempt for the culture that surrounds and overwhelms me. The future looks bleak and foreboding, and I feel sorry for anyone bringing a child into such a society. Don't get me wrong; I'm not suicidal or anything like that. (I read just last night that midlife is when you decide not to kill yourself because you realize you're going to die anyway!) No, I just feel sad and disgusted with the world in general. Last night I was feeling in this dark mood, and I now feel inspired to wallow in it as I try to describe just what goes on in my mind when I feel this way. What, exactly, causes such dark emotions?
Is it just getting older? Am I just missing my youth and mourning the loss of the world I knew back then? Maybe all over-fifty folks look around and see a world they don't recognize anymore. I guess I'm not very comfortable in modern-day society. Is it just me, or are there things fundamentally wrong with how we live now? Yes, some things are wrong. They just have to be.
There are times when I feel that everything I believe, value, and have based my life on is under assault. Morality steadily declines, excellence isn't cool, religion fades in its influence on our public lives. Bookstores are filled with "new" revelations about the Bible, and people flock to see a movie about Jesus' supposed marriage to Mary Magdalene. No one cares about the blaspheme of portraying Superman as the Savior of the world in another movie. Madonna has the adacity to sing while hanging on a cross.
Marriages fall apart all around me. I watch the lives of kids I love being wrecked along with their parents' marriages. Children break their parents' hearts by following after the world and all it has to offer. Families are scattered and pulled apart by the culture.
We live to be entertained. American Idol contestants receive more votes than any presidential candidate ever received. More young people recognize movie and TV figures than they do the vice-president. They can sing the lyrics of countless songs, recount the biographies of their favorite stars, and cite all kinds of statistics about sports, but find it "too hard" to memorize the facts of history and literature.
Even the "news" shows go on ad nauseum about celebrities and the trivia of their lives. I was struck with the absurdity of it all when I heard, for the fifth time that day, the news report of Brittany Spears tripping and ALMOST dropping her baby. Somehow the fact that she DIDN'T drop the baby failed to prevent the incident from becoming news. I guess that's what happens when a news channel has to fill twenty-four hours a day with something, whether it's news or not. Then I was struck with how stupid I was to still be listening to such drivel! It's time I get over my CNN addiction, born during the first Gulf War. Hey, maybe that's where the dark feelings come from!!!
For some reason, it matters to people whether or not Brittany Spears is a good mother more than it matters that countless children are seriously abused every day in this country. Go figure. Who can you blame for such nonsense? I blame society for being so celebrity-obsessed and the news media for catering to the lowest common denominator instead of getting out there and investigating and reporting on the things that really matter. Ratings rule. But, as John Stossel says, the "media doesn't have a clue." Which is pretty scary when you consider that it provides most of the information we have about the world in which we live.
Too much information. Maybe that's the problem. We know more than any generation ever has and have access to much of the world's knowledge with just the click of a mouse. But the more we learn, the more confused we are. So much of the information out there is conflicting. Which information is true? Which information even matters? Who can we trust to tell us what we really need to hear? And it keeps changing!!! Which is it - lowfat or low carbohydrate? Margarine or butter? Does caffeine cause cancer or prevent it? Who cares anymore?
We have five hundred channels on our televisions and still can't find anything worth watching. Try to find something, and you'll see nothing but commercials on almost every channel, designed to convince us that we can't live without something that didn't even exist yesterday. Our excessive consumerism is another thing that depresses me about our world, especially when I find myself so caught up in it.
So we live to be entertained and consume. It's all so shallow and meaningless. We fill our weekends with movies, concerts, ballgames, shopping and eating out while Africa is dying from aids, civil war, and famine. Something inside tells us it shouldn't be that way so an underlying feeling of guilt dulls the pleasure we get from our self-serving activities. We know all that suffering is out there, but feel we can't do anything about it, so we might as well put it out of our minds. We have truly become a society that "majors in the minors and minors in the majors."
I'm as guilty as anyone. I have a closet full of clothes and still can't find anything to wear to graduation tonight. I get obsessed with decorating my house and fixing up the yard. I try to alleviate my self-centered behavior by dropping money in the offering plate. I avoid reading my Bible so I won't feel guilty about all the things I should be doing but am not. I start all my sentences with "I."
OK, enough. I've wallowed enough for the day. Next time I will try to write happier thoughts, but as I said, feelings are fickle things, and who knows what feelings will envelop me today?
Then there are the bad days. Those are the times when I feel disgusted with today's world and find no joy in living in it. I feel contempt for the culture that surrounds and overwhelms me. The future looks bleak and foreboding, and I feel sorry for anyone bringing a child into such a society. Don't get me wrong; I'm not suicidal or anything like that. (I read just last night that midlife is when you decide not to kill yourself because you realize you're going to die anyway!) No, I just feel sad and disgusted with the world in general. Last night I was feeling in this dark mood, and I now feel inspired to wallow in it as I try to describe just what goes on in my mind when I feel this way. What, exactly, causes such dark emotions?
Is it just getting older? Am I just missing my youth and mourning the loss of the world I knew back then? Maybe all over-fifty folks look around and see a world they don't recognize anymore. I guess I'm not very comfortable in modern-day society. Is it just me, or are there things fundamentally wrong with how we live now? Yes, some things are wrong. They just have to be.
There are times when I feel that everything I believe, value, and have based my life on is under assault. Morality steadily declines, excellence isn't cool, religion fades in its influence on our public lives. Bookstores are filled with "new" revelations about the Bible, and people flock to see a movie about Jesus' supposed marriage to Mary Magdalene. No one cares about the blaspheme of portraying Superman as the Savior of the world in another movie. Madonna has the adacity to sing while hanging on a cross.
Marriages fall apart all around me. I watch the lives of kids I love being wrecked along with their parents' marriages. Children break their parents' hearts by following after the world and all it has to offer. Families are scattered and pulled apart by the culture.
We live to be entertained. American Idol contestants receive more votes than any presidential candidate ever received. More young people recognize movie and TV figures than they do the vice-president. They can sing the lyrics of countless songs, recount the biographies of their favorite stars, and cite all kinds of statistics about sports, but find it "too hard" to memorize the facts of history and literature.
Even the "news" shows go on ad nauseum about celebrities and the trivia of their lives. I was struck with the absurdity of it all when I heard, for the fifth time that day, the news report of Brittany Spears tripping and ALMOST dropping her baby. Somehow the fact that she DIDN'T drop the baby failed to prevent the incident from becoming news. I guess that's what happens when a news channel has to fill twenty-four hours a day with something, whether it's news or not. Then I was struck with how stupid I was to still be listening to such drivel! It's time I get over my CNN addiction, born during the first Gulf War. Hey, maybe that's where the dark feelings come from!!!
For some reason, it matters to people whether or not Brittany Spears is a good mother more than it matters that countless children are seriously abused every day in this country. Go figure. Who can you blame for such nonsense? I blame society for being so celebrity-obsessed and the news media for catering to the lowest common denominator instead of getting out there and investigating and reporting on the things that really matter. Ratings rule. But, as John Stossel says, the "media doesn't have a clue." Which is pretty scary when you consider that it provides most of the information we have about the world in which we live.
Too much information. Maybe that's the problem. We know more than any generation ever has and have access to much of the world's knowledge with just the click of a mouse. But the more we learn, the more confused we are. So much of the information out there is conflicting. Which information is true? Which information even matters? Who can we trust to tell us what we really need to hear? And it keeps changing!!! Which is it - lowfat or low carbohydrate? Margarine or butter? Does caffeine cause cancer or prevent it? Who cares anymore?
We have five hundred channels on our televisions and still can't find anything worth watching. Try to find something, and you'll see nothing but commercials on almost every channel, designed to convince us that we can't live without something that didn't even exist yesterday. Our excessive consumerism is another thing that depresses me about our world, especially when I find myself so caught up in it.
So we live to be entertained and consume. It's all so shallow and meaningless. We fill our weekends with movies, concerts, ballgames, shopping and eating out while Africa is dying from aids, civil war, and famine. Something inside tells us it shouldn't be that way so an underlying feeling of guilt dulls the pleasure we get from our self-serving activities. We know all that suffering is out there, but feel we can't do anything about it, so we might as well put it out of our minds. We have truly become a society that "majors in the minors and minors in the majors."
I'm as guilty as anyone. I have a closet full of clothes and still can't find anything to wear to graduation tonight. I get obsessed with decorating my house and fixing up the yard. I try to alleviate my self-centered behavior by dropping money in the offering plate. I avoid reading my Bible so I won't feel guilty about all the things I should be doing but am not. I start all my sentences with "I."
OK, enough. I've wallowed enough for the day. Next time I will try to write happier thoughts, but as I said, feelings are fickle things, and who knows what feelings will envelop me today?
Tuesday, May 16, 2006
Mountain Music
Picture this: I'm sitting with my husband and good friends on a padded church pew in Anderson Music Hall up in Hiawasee, GA. It's a beautiful spring day in May, and the huge, garage-like side doors are rolled up to allow a view of the lake and the North Georgia mountains. A light breeze blows through the room from outside, bringing in the scent of flowers blooming in the garden nearby. On stage is a bluegrass band known as the Greencards, one of the best I've ever heard. Tapping my foot and licking a giant ice cream cone, I find myself thinking, "Does it get any better than this?"
If you're into bluegrass, especially "newgrass," then you've got to check out the Greencards who hail from England and Australia. They bear a striking similarity to nickel Creek, a band I love. The mandolin players from those two bands should really get together and do a dueling mandolins number; I would pay good money to hear that!
We were attending the annual bluegrass festival at the Georgia Mountain Fairgrounds. We arrived at 1:00 in the afternoon and left about 10:00 that evening after listening to six different bands, not a bad one in the bunch. My favorites were the Greencards, Steep Canyon, and Roots and Branches, a local group. We took time out during the afternoon to walk through the rhododendron gardens and take pictures.
Doug and I had just spent the better part of the week in Gatlinburg because he had a business meeting to attend. I went along and enjoyed the time to shop, read, and just relax while he was in his meetings. I spent one whole day just going to a Books-a-Million and a scrapbook store. I was in heaven! Doug took off one day and we went to Dollywood where we enjoyed the roller coasters and a new show called Country Crossroads which starred six very talented young people. We left Pigeon Forge and drove to Hiawasee to see my parents and spend the night with them. The next day we met our friends and went to the festival. They stayed overnight in my parents' old house and we all went out to eat to celebrate Mother's Day on Sunday. Then we drove home and visited Doug's mother and later on that evening, Sean and Misty. After returning home, we walked to our neighbor's to get our mail they had been saving and found our other neighbors already there eating ice cream and cookies. Needless to say, we joined the party and had a nice visit there as well. All in all, we had a great week and weekend.
I wouldn't have been able to do all these things if I was still working. In fact, this is the first time I've enjoyed the month of May in years. It is always the most hectic month of the school year, and the fact that I always had to celebrate birthdays and Mother's Day during that month just made me dread it all the more.
The first school year without teaching is almost over, and I am more convinced than ever that I did the right thing by not working this year. First of all, I was the only sibling able to help Mama and Daddy with their move, and they really needed help. Secondly, I was able to get ready for Sean's wedding without the added stress of working. I was also able to be there for Casey during his last days. A real benefit has been having the time for jazzercise, which I consider the nearest thing in existence to a fountain of youth. I needed the exercise so badly to just feel young again. The yard work has not been nearly as stressful this year because I had time to do it.
Of course, the big disadvantage has been the loss of income. I really do need some spending money, and I haven't done a very good job of finding any. I don't like subbing at all. I don't mind doing it at WCA, since I know everyone there, but I really like to plan my days and don't want those plans changed at the last minute. Besides, I've said no so many times, they don't call me much anymore. I've actually asked my former principal if I can teach one class next year that meets twice a week. He has sounded pretty positive about it without completely committing to it. I really hope it works out. Government and Economics is my favorite class to teach, and I would still have three days at home all day. I would also have an "outlet," a chance to be around other people during the day, and I probably need that. I don't mind being alone at all, but I like people, too! One thing I haven't done very well this year is make time for socializing.
I prayed long and hard about my decision to retire, and when I decided to do so, I really felt a sense of peace about it. Of course, there is the to-be-expected guilt I feel about retiring before my husband and friends can do so, but I try to ignore that. I worked two fulltime jobs for years, one at school and another at home taking care of a house, yard, and family. My old-fashioned husband pretty much left that second job up to me, so I figure it's my turn to enjoy some down time!
If you're into bluegrass, especially "newgrass," then you've got to check out the Greencards who hail from England and Australia. They bear a striking similarity to nickel Creek, a band I love. The mandolin players from those two bands should really get together and do a dueling mandolins number; I would pay good money to hear that!
We were attending the annual bluegrass festival at the Georgia Mountain Fairgrounds. We arrived at 1:00 in the afternoon and left about 10:00 that evening after listening to six different bands, not a bad one in the bunch. My favorites were the Greencards, Steep Canyon, and Roots and Branches, a local group. We took time out during the afternoon to walk through the rhododendron gardens and take pictures.
Doug and I had just spent the better part of the week in Gatlinburg because he had a business meeting to attend. I went along and enjoyed the time to shop, read, and just relax while he was in his meetings. I spent one whole day just going to a Books-a-Million and a scrapbook store. I was in heaven! Doug took off one day and we went to Dollywood where we enjoyed the roller coasters and a new show called Country Crossroads which starred six very talented young people. We left Pigeon Forge and drove to Hiawasee to see my parents and spend the night with them. The next day we met our friends and went to the festival. They stayed overnight in my parents' old house and we all went out to eat to celebrate Mother's Day on Sunday. Then we drove home and visited Doug's mother and later on that evening, Sean and Misty. After returning home, we walked to our neighbor's to get our mail they had been saving and found our other neighbors already there eating ice cream and cookies. Needless to say, we joined the party and had a nice visit there as well. All in all, we had a great week and weekend.
I wouldn't have been able to do all these things if I was still working. In fact, this is the first time I've enjoyed the month of May in years. It is always the most hectic month of the school year, and the fact that I always had to celebrate birthdays and Mother's Day during that month just made me dread it all the more.
The first school year without teaching is almost over, and I am more convinced than ever that I did the right thing by not working this year. First of all, I was the only sibling able to help Mama and Daddy with their move, and they really needed help. Secondly, I was able to get ready for Sean's wedding without the added stress of working. I was also able to be there for Casey during his last days. A real benefit has been having the time for jazzercise, which I consider the nearest thing in existence to a fountain of youth. I needed the exercise so badly to just feel young again. The yard work has not been nearly as stressful this year because I had time to do it.
Of course, the big disadvantage has been the loss of income. I really do need some spending money, and I haven't done a very good job of finding any. I don't like subbing at all. I don't mind doing it at WCA, since I know everyone there, but I really like to plan my days and don't want those plans changed at the last minute. Besides, I've said no so many times, they don't call me much anymore. I've actually asked my former principal if I can teach one class next year that meets twice a week. He has sounded pretty positive about it without completely committing to it. I really hope it works out. Government and Economics is my favorite class to teach, and I would still have three days at home all day. I would also have an "outlet," a chance to be around other people during the day, and I probably need that. I don't mind being alone at all, but I like people, too! One thing I haven't done very well this year is make time for socializing.
I prayed long and hard about my decision to retire, and when I decided to do so, I really felt a sense of peace about it. Of course, there is the to-be-expected guilt I feel about retiring before my husband and friends can do so, but I try to ignore that. I worked two fulltime jobs for years, one at school and another at home taking care of a house, yard, and family. My old-fashioned husband pretty much left that second job up to me, so I figure it's my turn to enjoy some down time!
Sunday, May 07, 2006
Time Warp
I'm fifty-two years old today. It sounds so cliche, but I'll say it anyway because it's true: I don't FEEL fifty-two. I still feel exactly like I did twenty years ago. Only the mirror tells me any different - that and the reading glasses I must put on to see anything in print. I'm not depressed about birthdays; in fact, I rather enjoy them. This weekend I've done nothing but celebrate. Yesterday two of my women friends took me out for breakfast, gave me gifts, and talked with me for two hours. Then I went shopping at Kohl's and Lowe's to buy gifts for my son and younger sister who happen to have the same birthday I have! (May is like Christmas in our family.) I hadn't been shopping in a while and really enjoyed looking and picking out gifts. I was also reminded of why my number one rule for saving money is STAY OUT OF THE STORES! I saw so many things I would like to buy, but I can't since I don't currently have any income.
Yesterday afternoon we went to a singing at the little country church where my daughter-in-law's parents are like pillars of the church. Her dad had arranged the "music extravaganza" as a fund raiser for the church and had invited my sister to be one of the performers. Mary Jane has an awesome voice that I envy so much, and I love to hear her sing. She did a great job as usual, singing solo and then singing in an unplanned and unrehearsed duet with my daughter-in-law's mother. It was really good, and then she wowed everybody by signing a gospel song. You would have to see it to appreciate how beautiful it was.
Mary Jane had brought Mama with her. She came rolling in with her walker and sat behind me. Sean and Doug stood at the side of the room watching as well. After Mary Jane and Rebecca sang, a bluegrass group from South Carolina started to sing. I was surprised at how well they performed. Bluegrass is one of my favorite music genres, and these guys were good! So let me set the scene: Here we are in this little country church on a beautiful May afternoon. The big doors are standing open, and children are running in and out playing. The smell of hotdogs and hamburgers cooking on the grills outside wafts into the room. Inside, we sit in our folding chairs, clapping to the singing, enjoying the sounds of the guitar, mandolin, bass fiddle, harmonica, and dobro. Family, old and new, is all around me. Suddenly, I feel an all too rare sense of total peace and contentment - and then I transcend time itself. I could be twelve again, in another little country church on a dirt road in the county where I grew up. I've gone back to an almost forgotten time, a pre 9-11 world of innocence and security. I feel like I'm insulated in a cocoon of church and family, where I have no knowledge of soldiers dying in Iraq, genocide in Dafur, or the threat of bird flu. I'm not worried about the future because I'm totally living in this present moment, just drinking it in. It occurs to me that, if I could, I would lock us into this moment of time forever. Then Mama would always be with me, we would not grow old, Sean and Misty would never know any heartache, I would always have my family, and the cares of this world would be forgotten.
But of course, I cannot do that. Time does march on. Soldiers are dying in Iraq, and the world we live in is a very dangerous place. And all of us will grow old and depart this world when the time comes - the circle of life and all. And then just as I start feeling sad at that realization, another thought occurs to me. If I really could make time stand still, I would never hold my first grandchild! So I guess if I want the good that life has to offer in the coming years, I better just take the bad along with it, whatever that may be. I've never been very good at this not knowing stuff, but I have no choice but to accept that as just the way life is.
I enjoyed the time warp while it lasted. Transcendence is a rare and good thing, a gift from God I believe. When the bluegrass band finished playing, I walked back down the road to Sean's house. The air outside was pleasantly cool and was sweetened with the scent of honeysuckle and wild plum blossoms. Flowers were blooming in Sean's newly-mowed yard and squirrels darted behind trees as I walked up on them. We then went with Sean and Misty down to Mary Jane's house to have a big family birthday dinner. Mike had barbecued chicken on the grill; it was delicious as always. Of course, we had the usual birthday cake - what we call icebox cake; it was my late grandmother's recipe.
I got money and lots of flowers to plant, including two knockout roses. Sean and Misty had fun riding Blake's four wheeler. We finally got home about 10:00 and went to bed soon afterwards.
Today has been a good day, too, with church this morning, dinner at Olive Garden with my son and his new wife, followed by a movie, and there will be another birthday dinner tonight with Misty's family. Life is good.
Yesterday afternoon we went to a singing at the little country church where my daughter-in-law's parents are like pillars of the church. Her dad had arranged the "music extravaganza" as a fund raiser for the church and had invited my sister to be one of the performers. Mary Jane has an awesome voice that I envy so much, and I love to hear her sing. She did a great job as usual, singing solo and then singing in an unplanned and unrehearsed duet with my daughter-in-law's mother. It was really good, and then she wowed everybody by signing a gospel song. You would have to see it to appreciate how beautiful it was.
Mary Jane had brought Mama with her. She came rolling in with her walker and sat behind me. Sean and Doug stood at the side of the room watching as well. After Mary Jane and Rebecca sang, a bluegrass group from South Carolina started to sing. I was surprised at how well they performed. Bluegrass is one of my favorite music genres, and these guys were good! So let me set the scene: Here we are in this little country church on a beautiful May afternoon. The big doors are standing open, and children are running in and out playing. The smell of hotdogs and hamburgers cooking on the grills outside wafts into the room. Inside, we sit in our folding chairs, clapping to the singing, enjoying the sounds of the guitar, mandolin, bass fiddle, harmonica, and dobro. Family, old and new, is all around me. Suddenly, I feel an all too rare sense of total peace and contentment - and then I transcend time itself. I could be twelve again, in another little country church on a dirt road in the county where I grew up. I've gone back to an almost forgotten time, a pre 9-11 world of innocence and security. I feel like I'm insulated in a cocoon of church and family, where I have no knowledge of soldiers dying in Iraq, genocide in Dafur, or the threat of bird flu. I'm not worried about the future because I'm totally living in this present moment, just drinking it in. It occurs to me that, if I could, I would lock us into this moment of time forever. Then Mama would always be with me, we would not grow old, Sean and Misty would never know any heartache, I would always have my family, and the cares of this world would be forgotten.
But of course, I cannot do that. Time does march on. Soldiers are dying in Iraq, and the world we live in is a very dangerous place. And all of us will grow old and depart this world when the time comes - the circle of life and all. And then just as I start feeling sad at that realization, another thought occurs to me. If I really could make time stand still, I would never hold my first grandchild! So I guess if I want the good that life has to offer in the coming years, I better just take the bad along with it, whatever that may be. I've never been very good at this not knowing stuff, but I have no choice but to accept that as just the way life is.
I enjoyed the time warp while it lasted. Transcendence is a rare and good thing, a gift from God I believe. When the bluegrass band finished playing, I walked back down the road to Sean's house. The air outside was pleasantly cool and was sweetened with the scent of honeysuckle and wild plum blossoms. Flowers were blooming in Sean's newly-mowed yard and squirrels darted behind trees as I walked up on them. We then went with Sean and Misty down to Mary Jane's house to have a big family birthday dinner. Mike had barbecued chicken on the grill; it was delicious as always. Of course, we had the usual birthday cake - what we call icebox cake; it was my late grandmother's recipe.
I got money and lots of flowers to plant, including two knockout roses. Sean and Misty had fun riding Blake's four wheeler. We finally got home about 10:00 and went to bed soon afterwards.
Today has been a good day, too, with church this morning, dinner at Olive Garden with my son and his new wife, followed by a movie, and there will be another birthday dinner tonight with Misty's family. Life is good.
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