Time Warp

I'm fifty-two years old today. It sounds so cliche, but I'll say it anyway because it's true: I don't FEEL fifty-two. I still feel exactly like I did twenty years ago. Only the mirror tells me any different - that and the reading glasses I must put on to see anything in print. I'm not depressed about birthdays; in fact, I rather enjoy them. This weekend I've done nothing but celebrate. Yesterday two of my women friends took me out for breakfast, gave me gifts, and talked with me for two hours. Then I went shopping at Kohl's and Lowe's to buy gifts for my son and younger sister who happen to have the same birthday I have! (May is like Christmas in our family.) I hadn't been shopping in a while and really enjoyed looking and picking out gifts. I was also reminded of why my number one rule for saving money is STAY OUT OF THE STORES! I saw so many things I would like to buy, but I can't since I don't currently have any income.

Yesterday afternoon we went to a singing at the little country church where my daughter-in-law's parents are like pillars of the church. Her dad had arranged the "music extravaganza" as a fund raiser for the church and had invited my sister to be one of the performers. Mary Jane has an awesome voice that I envy so much, and I love to hear her sing. She did a great job as usual, singing solo and then singing in an unplanned and unrehearsed duet with my daughter-in-law's mother. It was really good, and then she wowed everybody by signing a gospel song. You would have to see it to appreciate how beautiful it was.

Mary Jane had brought Mama with her. She came rolling in with her walker and sat behind me. Sean and Doug stood at the side of the room watching as well. After Mary Jane and Rebecca sang, a bluegrass group from South Carolina started to sing. I was surprised at how well they performed. Bluegrass is one of my favorite music genres, and these guys were good! So let me set the scene: Here we are in this little country church on a beautiful May afternoon. The big doors are standing open, and children are running in and out playing. The smell of hotdogs and hamburgers cooking on the grills outside wafts into the room. Inside, we sit in our folding chairs, clapping to the singing, enjoying the sounds of the guitar, mandolin, bass fiddle, harmonica, and dobro. Family, old and new, is all around me. Suddenly, I feel an all too rare sense of total peace and contentment - and then I transcend time itself. I could be twelve again, in another little country church on a dirt road in the county where I grew up. I've gone back to an almost forgotten time, a pre 9-11 world of innocence and security. I feel like I'm insulated in a cocoon of church and family, where I have no knowledge of soldiers dying in Iraq, genocide in Dafur, or the threat of bird flu. I'm not worried about the future because I'm totally living in this present moment, just drinking it in. It occurs to me that, if I could, I would lock us into this moment of time forever. Then Mama would always be with me, we would not grow old, Sean and Misty would never know any heartache, I would always have my family, and the cares of this world would be forgotten.

But of course, I cannot do that. Time does march on. Soldiers are dying in Iraq, and the world we live in is a very dangerous place. And all of us will grow old and depart this world when the time comes - the circle of life and all. And then just as I start feeling sad at that realization, another thought occurs to me. If I really could make time stand still, I would never hold my first grandchild! So I guess if I want the good that life has to offer in the coming years, I better just take the bad along with it, whatever that may be. I've never been very good at this not knowing stuff, but I have no choice but to accept that as just the way life is.

I enjoyed the time warp while it lasted. Transcendence is a rare and good thing, a gift from God I believe. When the bluegrass band finished playing, I walked back down the road to Sean's house. The air outside was pleasantly cool and was sweetened with the scent of honeysuckle and wild plum blossoms. Flowers were blooming in Sean's newly-mowed yard and squirrels darted behind trees as I walked up on them. We then went with Sean and Misty down to Mary Jane's house to have a big family birthday dinner. Mike had barbecued chicken on the grill; it was delicious as always. Of course, we had the usual birthday cake - what we call icebox cake; it was my late grandmother's recipe.
I got money and lots of flowers to plant, including two knockout roses. Sean and Misty had fun riding Blake's four wheeler. We finally got home about 10:00 and went to bed soon afterwards.

Today has been a good day, too, with church this morning, dinner at Olive Garden with my son and his new wife, followed by a movie, and there will be another birthday dinner tonight with Misty's family. Life is good.